Four years, you guys. Mr. T and I have been married for four years.
And sometimes it feels weird. Marriage feels weird if I'm totally honest. Two people meet, fall in love, and then get married. It's weird. Right? Please tell me I am not the only one who feels that way.
Mr. T and I have grown so much over the past few years. We've grown as individuals and also as a couple. And, if I'm honest, I like us so much better now. I actually tell Mr. T that often.
I mean, sometimes I miss the honeymoon stage. When we'd make out in bars and hold hands everywhere and the highlight of my week was meeting up with him midweek in the city and then going to his apartment in Astoria for the weekend. I still remember the first time I asked him if it was cool if I brought an overnight bag. I was so excited that he wasn't freaked out by that.
We still hold hands and makeout, of course. But it's different. We also burp and fart. We talk about our poop (Like, a lot. And it's totally me who brings it up most of the time). We do all of the things that are supposed to kill the spark in the relationship. Probably things that we're not "supposed" to do. But it's who we are and I love it. And it’s real, real life.
Don't get me wrong. Shit's not perfect. We fight. Sometimes it's bad. And I have moments when I am scared we won't make it. I have abandonment issues and no matter how hard I try, sometimes they get to me. I have a lot of issues with my father and sometimes it makes it really hard to understand unconditional love and believe that someone really loves me that much.
And, even though I love us, sometimes I fear that we're doing marriage wrong.
But that's kind of the thing - there's no right way to do marriage. It's different for everyone. And one of the things that I've always loved about us is the fact that we beat to the tune of our own drum. I love that we're not traditional. I love that we are both unapologetically who we are - both as individuals and as couples.
I love the life that we're building. I love the traditions we have - even the really stupid ones like watching The Kind of Queens every night before going to bed. He's also pretty much my favorite person in the world.
And I hope that no matter what happens and where life takes us, that we'll always be us and continue to figure stuff out.